


Gordon's Dream

by GnomeIgnominious



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen, Heaven and Hell, a bit crack-y, and it was all a dream..., but funny (I hope), characters as demons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3186683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GnomeIgnominious/pseuds/GnomeIgnominious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gordon was flying GERTI. He couldn't believe it. He'd actually managed to wrest his plane from Carolyn's clutches, fend off his idiot son and outwit the incompetent pilots. Well, only one of the pilots was incompetent. The other was a thief and a con man with the lowest moral standards of anyone Gordon had ever met. It had been a pleasure doing business with <i>him</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gordon's Dream

Gordon was flying GERTI. He couldn't believe it. He'd actually managed to wrest his plane out of Carolyn's clutches, fend off his idiot son and outwit the incompetent pilots. Well, only one of the pilots was incompetent. The other was a thief and a con man with the lowest moral standards of anyone Gordon had ever met. It had been a pleasure doing business with _him_. 

A warning light suddenly flashed on the overhead console and a tinny voice echoed through the flight deck. "Pull up! Pull up!" 

Odd. It was the ground proximity warning. Gordon checked the altimeters- both showing different heights. He ground his teeth in annoyance. Didn't Carolyn ever service the plane? It was falling to bits! Gordon tightened his hands on the control column and eased the plane up slightly. He tried to take his hands away but his fingers were clenched tight. His hands were stuck- frozen- to the control column. Gordon swallowed, trying to keep a lid on his panic. He tried peeling just one finger away from the yoke but it was no good. His hands were starting to burn and fierce tingling sensations shot up through his wrists. His palms were slick with sweat but that did nothing to loosen his hands.

The plane was still gaining altitude and Gordon pushed down angrily on the control column. He needed to try and stay calm and land the plane, which would be nigh on impossible if he couldn't move his hands. As GERTI continued to climb, another fear overtook Gordon. Her ascent was getting steeper and steeper and it wouldn't be long before the engines would stall and they would begin to plummet back to earth. Gordon tried everything he could do, wrenching his hands violently back and forth, pushing and pulling on the control column for all he was worth and finally banging his head against the console in front of him in the hope of thumping the instruments back into working order. Nothing had any effect on the plane. Gordon could only listen in horror as the engines strained and whined, the nose of the plane pointing vertically up into the sky. Suddenly, with a small cough, the engines stalled and GERTI was silent. Then they began to fall, slowly at first, then faster and faster. Gordon felt almost weightless and his hands were numb where they were stuck to the yoke. Blood was rushing in his ears and he mercifully passed out. 

* * *

Gordon awoke with a jolt and the same sickly feeling of weightlessness. He was alive and GERTI was nowhere to be seen. He opened his eyes. All around him, as far as he could see, was endless grassy turf, domed by a huge dark blue sky, spangled and glistening. It was cool, but not unpleasantly so, and very, very silent. Until-

"GORDON SHAPPEY." A booming voice echoed through Gordon's head and reverberated around his body. It sounded familiar but Gordon couldn't place it.

"GORDON EDWARD SHAPPEY?"

"Yes, that's me. Where am I?" Gordon tried not to let his voice belie his fear.

"YOU ARE IN A PLACE OF JUDGEMENT." The voice pronounced the words with something akin to smug satisfaction. "YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHED THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE AND YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND-" the voice paused for dramatic effect "WANTING."

Gordon tried to speak but his words stuck in his throat.

"YOU ARE A LIAR. YOU ARE A THIEF."

Gordon found his voice. "I know who you are! That slimy toad Richardson! Failed pilot, failed smuggler- you couldn't even stick being an alcoholic!"

"TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE," the voice retorted. "BUT I AM NOT DOUGLAS RICHARDSON. I MERELY SELECTED HIS VOICE TO SPEAK TO YOU- IT SEEMED APPROPRIATE." The voice chuckled to itself.

"Why am I here?"

"YOU MUST SUFFER FOR THE HURT AND UPSET YOU CAUSED IN YOUR LIFE. GOODBYE, GORDON SHAPPEY..."

The voice faded away and Gordon felt profoundly alone. The sky above him was now completely black and the stars were fading away. The ground beneath his feet shuddered and began to sink, until all around him was pitch black. It was getting hotter. Gordon had a vague idea about where he was going and he didn't like it at all. 

* * *

The next thing he saw was black rocky ground, porous and sharp like pumice stone. Two figures, one tall, one short, were advancing on him through the gloom.

"Arthur? _Carolyn_?"

"Hello Gordon!" Carolyn sounded delighted to see him. "We were wondering when you'd get here!" Two small curved red horns were just visible poking through her hair.

"Hi Dad!" Arthur's pointy tail flicked backwards and forwards like a cat's. "I got you a present!" He gestured to something behind him.

Gordon frowned. "A _sink_? What on earth did you get me a _sink_ for, stupid boy?"

Arthur grinned and Carolyn laughed, revealing extremely sharp looking teeth.

"It's for the terrapins! You see, terrapins are like tortoises, except they have to live in water mostly, so mum said why not put them in the sink! It's brilliant!"

"But why do you have terrapins?"

"Aha." Arthur's smile turned distinctly threatening. " _You_ said 'terrapins tickle me'."

"Oh. Oh no."

Carolyn giggled as Arthur began to cover Gordon in terrapins, pushing them inside his shirt and trousers. Gordon screamed as he felt one start to bite.

"We trained them specially!" Arthur said gleefully. "They love the taste of Australians!"

Carolyn smirked as Gordon continued to writhe in pain on the ground, clothes bulging where the terrapins roamed his body.

"We've punished a lot of people in our time, Mr Shappey. But this is definitely the most satisfying." 

* * *

Gordon awoke in a cold sweat. He never forgot the nightmare. And he was never quite the same ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know where this came from but I thought of it in bed last night and had to write it down today. Just a bit of fun.
> 
> Inspired by Helsinki = sink in hell and "terrapins tickle me if I lie", which I am endeavouring to incorporate into my everyday conversation.


End file.
